Accidently In Love

Im in deep trouble.. I cant love someone this much without getting hurt sooner or later can I? Because right now I feel as if I might just burst from happiness :) I mean, this guy is perfect for me, Im so madly and deeply in love with him! Im sure hes the one, but if we cant be together then how can be the the one? I mean we are together, just not officially, its complicated, but I swear I am in love for the first time in my life, and now I have the most amazing person in the world, hes perfect, hes actually so amazingly perfect I cant put it into words how I feel right now..

Truth

I am officially, insanely, unbelievably, deeply in love :) I've never felt this way before :) I cant beleive how lucky I am to have this person in my life, I dont understand why I deserve so much happiness! I get a kick each day just from seeing him, seeing him smile at me, and gaze into his eyes and know that he sees right through everything I do to make people stay away, my masks, insecurities and throws away my boundries and makes me whole again. Of course theres painfull times too, when we cant see each other, arent aloud, we're forbidden to be with each other in anything more than friends. But it hurts too much, we first became friends about a year and a half ago and since then my life had dramatically changed, I see things froma different perspective, his perspective, the way he chooses to live life so freely. I loved him since I first met him, first set eyes on him. I never thought he could love someone like me back, I was obviously wrong, he admitted to loveing since he met me.. I was speechless, him, love me?? When all this time Id thought he could never love me and i couldnt tell him or our friendship would be destroyed, the boy id thought about everyday for nearly 2 years is in love with me, too good to be true. Im writing all this not to bore you with my silly lovey dovey heartfelt thoguths, but to remind myself exactly how I feel at this exact moment in time, happy, light as a feather, carefree and to remember that no matter what happens or goes wrong, hes in love with me, im in love with him, we are in love, we'll get through anything, nothing can keep us apart!

6/4/10

Just had a lovely day with a very good friend of mine, sad to see it end, but tomorows another day! Am begining to feel very tiresome so am thinking it's time for a nice warm shower, a good old cup of tea and some sleep :) Bed.. here I come :)

Beautiful Laura Marling Lyrics; My Manic & I

He wants to die in a lake in Geneva, the mountains can cover the shape of his nose.
He wants to die where nobody can see him but the beauty of his death will carry on so I dont believe him.
He greets me with kisses when good days deceive him and sometimes with scorn and sometimes I believe him.
And sometimes I'm convinced my friends think I am crazy, get scared and call him but he's usually hazy.
By one in the morning day is not ended, by two he is scared and sleep is no friend, and by four he will drink but cannot feel it, sleep will not come because sleep does not will it and I dont believe him.
Morning is mocking me.I'll wander the streets avoiding them eats until the ring on my finger slips to the ground.#
A gift to the gutter, a gift to the city the veins of which have broken me down
.And I dont believe him, morning is mocking me.Oh the gods that he believes never fail to amaze me.
He believes in the love of his god of all things, but I find him wrapped up in all manner of sins.
The drugs that deceive him and the girls that believe him.I can't control you I dont know you well, these are the reasons I think that you're ill.I can't control you I dont know you well, these are the reasons I think that you're ill.
last that I saw him last that we parted.
down by a river silent and hardened, morning was mocking us.
Blood hit the sky.I was just happy, my manic and I. He couldn't see me the sun was in his eyes and birds were singing to calm us down.
And birds were singing to calm us down.And I'm sorry young man, I cannot be your friend.
I don't believe in a fairytale end. I dont keep my head up all of the time.I find it dull when my heart meets my mind*Though* I hardly know you I think I can tell, these are the reasons I think that we're ill.*I hardly know you I think I can tell, these are the reasons I think that I'm ill.
And the gods that he believes never fail to disappoint me.And the gods that he believes never fail to disappoint me.My happy man my manic and I have no plans to move on.
The birds are singing to calm us down and birds are singing to calm us down.

Such an inspiration

Wassily Kandinsky, possibly one of the worlds most inspirational artists, once said that when he saw colours, he could hear music. His technique is of such unigue and eccentricity, its easy to see that art is in his blood. These paintings are just a few that make me smile just to look at.

How beautiful is this picture, reminds me that theres just a little child in all of us, wanting to get out :)

Apologies: Life in the last 6 months

Im sorry people, Ive been such a rubbish blogger, lifes been so busy these past 6 months or so, a lots happened Ive changed a lot, and learnt quite a lot. For one Ive figured out who my real friends are, Holly, Sam, Becky, Sophie, Phoebe, Tom, Josh, Dale, but then again theres those who Im not so sure about.. Bryn, Nathan, even though Ive been friends with Nathan since December 08 and up until about a week ago we've been unseperable since, we went everywhere together and did everything together. Everyone thoguth we went out because of how close we were, all his girlfriends hated me, they were jelouse nathan said, which tbf they has a right to be, but I wasnt complaining/ He always used to hold my hand and hug me and have his arm round my waist, we told each other everything, just being with him brightened my day. I loved him, yknow? But I couldnt tell him that, we were bestfriends, it would ruin everything, hes such an amazing person, and it was an honour to be called his best friend :) in all the years Ive had different bestfriends, he was deffinately the best, I would never of thought in a million years Id be best friends with someone like him. But then things stated to go downhill again, his other close friend Bryn, has always loved me, me and Bryn have been friends for just over a year and hes loved me all through that, everyone knows, but I didnt feel the same way and he knew that, Nathan started acting weird and getting stroppy when I hang out with Bryn, in the end i had to confront him. It was then that I got it out of him, he was jelous, my best friend was in love with me.. Nathan was in love with me.. I was shocked, even though we both know nothing can happen betwen us ever, because hes a Jehovas Witness you see, and I am a Christian, forbidden love you could call it. I stupidly told him I was in love with him too, and at first we were all happy and saying "I love you" and such romantic things all the time, but then he started to change, block me out almost, when i asked whats wrong he wouldnt reply but then come back later spologising to me when I was upset, I believed him. Then he started to say he was confused, he still LOved Emily his ex, and Flo his other ex still loved him but he still had strong feelign for me.. thats just about where I am now, confused, bestfriendless :) ahh well I still have my Holly and Bryn as my bestfriends I guess :) but its not the same, it wont ever be the same.