Howdy bloggers,

once again a sincere apology is needed, as I have been a terrible blogger these past few months, but no worried i havnt abandoned the system, just been very busy. Well, basically, Im turning over a new leaf, a new me..

The New, Real Me:

I dont CARE what people think of me, I dont LIKE being told what to do, I wouldnt REBEL if you trusted me, I WILL be nice to you if you are nice to me. I will NOT be walked all over like a welcome mat cause no, you are most deffinately NOT welcome!

Im going to study hard, and actually listen and try at school, or stleast in the subjects I like eg. art, rs, french, science. Im going to get involved in sport and my friends. Im going to make time for family and friends. Im going to wear what I want, I dont care if you think I copy people cause fact is, its not anything like what you wear, your just jealous! Im going to listen to the music I want to listen to, read the books I want to read, watch the films I want to watch and hang out with who I want to and when I want to. Im going to learn to cook, Im going to commit to things, Im going to travel!! Im going to get out there and ENJOY myself, Im going to be happy, Im going to laugh again, and Im going to be able to trust you again. Im not going to stop loving you, Im going to hold on to you forever cause we promised each other forever. You promised come what may, and Im promising to keep your promise. Im going to be honest, no luying, Im going to be trusting and loyal. I want to be that girl people actually like, and who has a contagious smile. Im going to smile, even if Im duying inside, I deserve to be happy, and happy I will be. Just gove me.. us time. We will be happy. I'll help you be happy as you helped me. I will be happy.

Accidently In Love

Im in deep trouble.. I cant love someone this much without getting hurt sooner or later can I? Because right now I feel as if I might just burst from happiness :) I mean, this guy is perfect for me, Im so madly and deeply in love with him! Im sure hes the one, but if we cant be together then how can be the the one? I mean we are together, just not officially, its complicated, but I swear I am in love for the first time in my life, and now I have the most amazing person in the world, hes perfect, hes actually so amazingly perfect I cant put it into words how I feel right now..

Truth

I am officially, insanely, unbelievably, deeply in love :) I've never felt this way before :) I cant beleive how lucky I am to have this person in my life, I dont understand why I deserve so much happiness! I get a kick each day just from seeing him, seeing him smile at me, and gaze into his eyes and know that he sees right through everything I do to make people stay away, my masks, insecurities and throws away my boundries and makes me whole again. Of course theres painfull times too, when we cant see each other, arent aloud, we're forbidden to be with each other in anything more than friends. But it hurts too much, we first became friends about a year and a half ago and since then my life had dramatically changed, I see things froma different perspective, his perspective, the way he chooses to live life so freely. I loved him since I first met him, first set eyes on him. I never thought he could love someone like me back, I was obviously wrong, he admitted to loveing since he met me.. I was speechless, him, love me?? When all this time Id thought he could never love me and i couldnt tell him or our friendship would be destroyed, the boy id thought about everyday for nearly 2 years is in love with me, too good to be true. Im writing all this not to bore you with my silly lovey dovey heartfelt thoguths, but to remind myself exactly how I feel at this exact moment in time, happy, light as a feather, carefree and to remember that no matter what happens or goes wrong, hes in love with me, im in love with him, we are in love, we'll get through anything, nothing can keep us apart!

6/4/10

Just had a lovely day with a very good friend of mine, sad to see it end, but tomorows another day! Am begining to feel very tiresome so am thinking it's time for a nice warm shower, a good old cup of tea and some sleep :) Bed.. here I come :)

Beautiful Laura Marling Lyrics; My Manic & I

He wants to die in a lake in Geneva, the mountains can cover the shape of his nose.
He wants to die where nobody can see him but the beauty of his death will carry on so I dont believe him.
He greets me with kisses when good days deceive him and sometimes with scorn and sometimes I believe him.
And sometimes I'm convinced my friends think I am crazy, get scared and call him but he's usually hazy.
By one in the morning day is not ended, by two he is scared and sleep is no friend, and by four he will drink but cannot feel it, sleep will not come because sleep does not will it and I dont believe him.
Morning is mocking me.I'll wander the streets avoiding them eats until the ring on my finger slips to the ground.#
A gift to the gutter, a gift to the city the veins of which have broken me down
.And I dont believe him, morning is mocking me.Oh the gods that he believes never fail to amaze me.
He believes in the love of his god of all things, but I find him wrapped up in all manner of sins.
The drugs that deceive him and the girls that believe him.I can't control you I dont know you well, these are the reasons I think that you're ill.I can't control you I dont know you well, these are the reasons I think that you're ill.
last that I saw him last that we parted.
down by a river silent and hardened, morning was mocking us.
Blood hit the sky.I was just happy, my manic and I. He couldn't see me the sun was in his eyes and birds were singing to calm us down.
And birds were singing to calm us down.And I'm sorry young man, I cannot be your friend.
I don't believe in a fairytale end. I dont keep my head up all of the time.I find it dull when my heart meets my mind*Though* I hardly know you I think I can tell, these are the reasons I think that we're ill.*I hardly know you I think I can tell, these are the reasons I think that I'm ill.
And the gods that he believes never fail to disappoint me.And the gods that he believes never fail to disappoint me.My happy man my manic and I have no plans to move on.
The birds are singing to calm us down and birds are singing to calm us down.

Such an inspiration

Wassily Kandinsky, possibly one of the worlds most inspirational artists, once said that when he saw colours, he could hear music. His technique is of such unigue and eccentricity, its easy to see that art is in his blood. These paintings are just a few that make me smile just to look at.